Nothing and Some More

Dear members of the board,

we started this year together scared by a little bug... and then you voted me out (without me asking for a recount), claiming I was boringly "old fashion". As a matter of fact, I was tired so I welcomed with a cheerful heart your choice and moved on. After all, there is never a good time to retire, so let's said you helped me pass the crown to someone else.

I never thought I could appreciate the sun that much. Yes, I sunbaked and still do. Yes I trimmed my bear and got a tattoo (it's said "Santa is dead" of course). Of course, something was missing. At first, I tought it was my work. But after a while, I realized: it was not so much the actual work, but you people that I missed. Yes, even you who voted me out. So, to keep in touch, I just followed your actions. And boys, let me tell you, that was a lot of fun...

I truly found your website a good idea. Of course, no child that I know would like it. Flashy is BAD, remember. But hey, twas a good fun anyways. Or IS maybe ? (still online ?). Delocalization was in my humble opinion less of a smart move: after all, Seattle's riot were still fresh in global memory. But I assume elves are after all much more expensive than some nice third-world workers. Plus the PR spin "to bring the magic to the Third World" was nicely done. And of course, the horrified "oh you could never thought we would do that" look when swearing that no child were employed was magistral indeed. If I'm almost sure that's the exact truth, I still wonder what was the actual reason: after all, adults don't really care about toys, and therefore are less tempted to have their mind wandering, which kill the productivity... Of course, child work is amoral, so that also might be the reason.

Then you IPOed, with a nice first week of frenzy quotations. Hey, I still remember the brand new red Ferrari snowplow with the SCLAUS1 license plate. Nice picture that was on every TV around the globe. The stock went high and higher. Headlines like "A new miracle on Wall Street" and "Christmas everyday now" were everywhere. I was really starting to wonder if I was that old-fashion!

But, suddenly, people realized that you lost the spirit. And that was the second part of the year. Everything started to collapse.

Your first reaction was brave: you launched the "Quest" to bring me back. My, my, my. Another wonderful PR exercice. First, the elf got sponsored by Suntan Inc. to find me (10000 bottles... come on, even elf skin is not that sensitive). Then you did the record. "Elf Club Seven sings Santa". In fact, "Santa Claus is coming back to town" was really a good cover. "Reindeers keep falling on my head" was a bit too cruel, but funny. I read in Variety that some Hollywood idiot even bought the right to make a cable-movie of the whole quest. Congrats. I'd like my part to be played by Georges Clooney, please.

But the spirit was gone for real, guys, and you knew it. And I was and am still nowhere to be found. Then the elf who was supposed to find me went missing. Tip: check Isla Mujeres. Ask for El Bobafito. If he is drunk enough, you will have a chance to talk to him. But I don't think he will come back. He found another kind of spirit.

And that was it.

So here is the sad news: I don't plan to come back. For one, I quite enjoy being an old grumpy fat guy under the sun. And anyways, even if I returned, the spirit won't come back with me. 'Cause I'm not that damn spirit. Remember the old guy from Karate Kid (or was it the custom officer ?) "It's somewhere inside you". And if you know what to look for, you'll find it. I'm not magic. Ask David Copperfield for that. I can't do miracles. Hey, watch TV everyday if you still need a proof.

All I did was bringing presents and some joy. But I was not alone doin' this. Sure elves helped, but the big part of the job was done by everyone else: you know givin a bit here, buying some presents there, bringin the family around, cooking nice and simple meals... Nothing magic, just a few bits here and there that make an ensemble. See, you think I'm a magician, that in a snap of a finger (or more accurately by showing my white beard and my so confortable smile on tv), I could bring your stock higher and get you richer quickie. And that massive production and cutting cost is the secret to have higher earning. I think you got your priority wrong, dudes. Elves were happy to work in the damn north pole, even if it was night all the time, even if it was completely frozen. Because they believed in somethin'. Because the spirit was there... and you can't buy the spirit, and there is no need to look for it all around. You know, Marijuana is not greener or cheaper on that side of the fence. Ok, the sun is better. But it's still the same ol'boring everyday life. Except that I share my so called life, and it brings a smile on their face: because my boring life is novel to them. And their boring life is new to me. Because it's different, because I can give them something and they give me something back, gratis, because it's part of me, because it's part of them. And at the end, we are all richer: the spirit did grow. And they are happier, and they work better, and everything goes up. See, no magic. Just the spirit.

Dear members of the board, I'm sure you had a tremendous Christmas. Of course, you all received some wonderful presents and pretented enjoying them. Or lucky you, you might even actually have enjoyed them. My present is a cheaper one. It's called a dream. I am a dream. Use me. And then find your own dream and build it. And forget about "rational" thinking. YOU are the spirit of Christmas, after all.

Have a happy new millenium.

Love, Klaus Nicholas Santa